~Looking for The Fourth of July ~ ***Red White & Bluesy***

I am looking for 'The Fourth of July'!  Has anyone else noticed that is seems to be losing it's luster?

The Fourth of July has always been to me a stand out and a stand up holiday.  There is nothing about this Fourth day of July, when we pay tribute to our founding father's unquenchable desire for freedom and democracy, our countries interwoven people that came here looking for a better life, and our innate heritage because of these things, that I personally do not care for.

My earliest memories of celebrating on the Fourth are outstanding.  Sometimes memories can trigger such an overwhelming mixture of emotion that you can almost seem to relive the experience. I am not really sure if the strong feeling I have in regards to the Fourth are because my Dad was in the Air Force and we were surrounded by a very high regard of patriotism in our home and our daily lives, while living on a military installation. Military life offered my family many opportunities that we would not have been afforded if my Dad had chosen a different occupation. Even now when I visit a military installation, I get goose bumps, as well as nostalgic when I see military personal in their uniforms, parade fields, and the ever present gatehouse and security personal as you enter and leave the facility.

Probably most of my readers are not aware of the fact that Curt was in the Air Police, at Francis E. Warren Air Force Base, which was my Dad's last duty station before retiring, I met Curt through a neighborhood friend Lynda Lawson.  He was one of those young Sergeant's,checking you through the gate and was always joking, laughing, and sharing stories with the folks coming back and forth.  He looked quite distinguished, as well as charming in his, uniform of blue, black belt, gun, polished boots, with his pants tucked in his boots, white hat with insignia, and white gloves.  How could a girl not fall in love with such an outstanding, captivating, good looking personality such as Curtis Andrew Lane.  I couldn't resist his aura then, and it is still with me even now.

So Charming

Airman Curtis Andrew Lane

The first fourth of July that I can recall, occurred at Dobbins Air Force Base in Marietta, Ga.  I remember,  that our family went out to the base and stayed all day and into the evening.  There were so many wonderful planned events for all ages of the entire family.  Some of them were, pie throwing, watermelon eating contest, three legged race, sack jumping, baseball games, and a beauty contest ( I remember Dad  being upset with me because I had gone over and was participating in the watermelon eating contest, when I was suppose to be in the little beauty pageant)  Beauty was never my forte, but I have had a life long love of watermelon.  At the end of the day we spread out a blanket under the stars and watched an amazing fireworks presentation.  My brother Butch developed a great dislike for fireworks on that night and it was several years before he would watch them without crying and holding his ears.

Flag made for Memommie and Big Daddy with Hunter and Oliver's hand prints right after 911

I turned 62 years old this June and I still love the festivities and activities associated with  July 4th.  We have had so many family gatherings, cookouts, fun times all centered around the 4th.  We have spent them at my parents house in Clinton, at our house in Powell, in Norris, where they have a wonderful Fourth of July with many planned activities ending with fireworks in the evening.  The last few years of  my parent's and Curt's life we did several different activities during the day with family and friends, then usually gathered and watched the fireworks show while sitting on our front porch.  We ended the day with a heart filled with gratefulness for being able to celebrate freely in any way we like, as we watched the American Flag wave gently in the wind. The colors red, white and blue are true primary colors. These colors are vibrant when they stand alone, but when they are sewn together and created into beautiful yet simple piece's of cloth they then become OUR flag, These colors then become radiant and meaningful as they represent our freedom, our heritage, and this land we live in that goes by the name of The United States of America.

Our country is far from perfect. There are so many issues that our nation is struggling to overcome. The government has become laden down and top heavy with bureaucratic members who are not living in the real world, as are most American families.  I do not know the answers or even how to begin to fix what has become broken, but I still believe in what was established back in 1776 in 'The Decoration of Independence' here is a small part which was written: 

"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

As goes the way with most of my writing's this one has veered somewhat off course. I have been thinking about why the fourth of July is such a powerful occasion and why there are so many tender spots I have in my heart, that makes it so dear to me. 

Last year after bidding farewell to my dear husband, in January, I had to begin to reassess and take hold of all of the many day to day events and issues. I had to function normally, take care of our financial obligations, become the head of the household and the family, as I tried to paddle upstream while facing one hell of a currant that was working on pulling me under.  

If I am to be honest, it was a struggle and I failed in so many ways, but I managed to keep it between the walls of our bedroom at home, where late at night I would turn my misery and desperation over to God.  He would soothe me, cradle me, and rock me to sleep, and enable me to recover and renew to meet another day.  Normal everyday family events were challenging but due-able, being with friends due-able, celebrating occasions hard but necessary.  

When July fourth came around last year it became tragically overwhelming to me. I was totally knocked for a loop by this patriotic celebration.  Chris and Barbara had made plans to be out of town with friends, Amy, Sophia and I were here in Tennessee, and our longtime family friends Wayne and Gail Crawley and their family invited us down to share the day with them ( which by the way our family has shared so many such events with them)  

I remember it was stifling hot and miserable outside, we had planned a cookout, out by the pool and so we carried on as planned.  The children swam, we ate, Wayne became unwell and had to be taken into the house. Suddenly it hit me like a linebacker protecting the quarterback in a football game,  "I have lost my husband, he is really gone, he isn't here helping Wayne cook the burgers, or aggravating Gail about some silly annoying thing, he isn't in the pool splashing and resting his head on a tube while the children are jumping in all around him.  He isn't walking around in the grass with his Fred Flint-stone feet barefooted, with a blade of grass between his teeth.  He isn't hollering at me to ask if the homemade ice cream is just about ready.  He just isn't".  Everything is outwardly the same, but it is beyond my grasp to capture what I can never have again.  I see the reality of my life and what it has now become, I see the family and friends that have been tiptoeing around like they are walking on eggshells, trying to protect and shelter me from this day when I see the reality of what I have lost.  I unabashedly begin to cry, with tears cascading down my cheeks as I stand under the umbrella looking for protection from the smothering heat and I understand what will never be again. 

Tina, Gail's oldest daughter, who has caused her family, as well as herself, untold anguish and pain, during her 37 years of life, reads the utter despair on my face and encompasses me in a hug that I will never ever forget.  It was genuine, heartfelt, and it enabled me to release what I had not been able to for the previous six months.  I realize now that perhaps, Tina, rather then anyone else that I am acquainted with, has been living with these inner demons, and despair all of her life. I think she sensed in me a kindred spirit at that moment and she knew how deep the pain that I was struggling with had gone.  She offered to me the only thing she had, her comfort.  As I looked around I noticed that I had caught everyone unprepared for my complete breakdown, and I now know that they really didn't understand what had taken place.  This explanation is a year late in coming but it has taken a while for me to piece it all together.  

The year of 2011 has been filled with more changes and upheavals.  I am learning from others that grieving and mourning doesn't last a year or two or three.  It is a slow process, there are hills and valley's and good days and bad days. I have days of laughter, joy and gladness, but I have days of woulda, coulda, shoulda too.  I am not complaining or asking for compassion, but I am asking for your tenderness, kindness, and understanding that I am  like a new seed planted in the garden. I need a little more nurturing until I am capable of standing on my own without bending too far and breaking my stem.

This year the Fourth of July, will be spent  in Lugoff, South Carolina.  I am going to help Amy, as she prepares to be boxed up, loaded, and stored once more, as is her lot as an Army wife.  I will say my farewell's to Lugoff, the dear neighbors Bob and Elaine Prindle, Joey, Cindy and Jacob Kerwin, as well as the many memories created there by our family during their short stay at 11 Lander Lane.  Mark will head back to DC on the Fourth, and hopefully Amy, the girls and I will perhaps find a parade, a hamburger and some ice-cream while we wait for the loud and spectacular firework show to begin.  I understand they get shows from both porches, so we will have to see which one we should watch.  Maybe we will just sit on the driveway and see them all.  We will celebrate, we will make some new memories and I will talk about a few special ones with Sophia and Lydia.

I hope your Fourth of July will be  heartfelt, and filled with lots of patriotism, red, white, and blue style, as well family and friends, and lots of good old American Picnic type food.  I ask that as you share your day, that you take the time to share stories and memories about other July Fourths that you were a part of.  We need to remember that we are now THE generation and the only way younger generations are going to understand the importance of what July Fourth means and stands for is if we take the time to reflect, remember and to share our stories with them.  God Bless America and God Bless all of you.  LSJL

P.S. Whenever my Dad had to attend a parade march, or we attended an event they would always play the Air Force Song 'Off We Go Into The Wild Blue Yonder' I love that song to this day and it make's me proud that my Dad and my husband served their country In The United States Air Force.  Here are the words to the song

Off we go, into the wild blue yonder

Climbing high into the sun.

Here they come zooming to meet our thunder,

At em’ boys, giver ‘er the gun.

Down we dive, spouting our flame from under,

Off with one, hell of a roar.

We live in fame, or go down in flame,

For nothing can stop the U.S. Air Force !

 Here’s a toast to the host, of those

Who love the vastness of the sky.

To a friend, we’ll send a message of his
brother men who fly.

We drink to those, who gave their all of old,

Then down we roar to score the rainbow’s pot of gold.

Here’s a toast, to the host of men we boars,

The U.S. Air Force !

Minds of men fashioned a crate of thunder,

Sent it high into the blue.

Hands of men blasted the world asunder,

How they lived, God only knew.

Souls of men, dreaming of skies to conquer,

Gave us wings, ever to soar.

With scouts before and bombers galore,

Nothing can stop the U.S. Air Force !

Off we go into the wild sky yonder,

Keep your wings level and true.

If you’d live to be a gray-haired wonder,

Keep your nose out of the blue.

Flying men, guarding our nation’s borders,

Will be there, followed by more,

In echelon, we carry on,

For nothing can stop the U.S. Air Force !